too far to walk

Second Wind

Waiting Up

Tonight I'm living off a fresh made cut.  Open seams are doorways that won't shut.  These autumn walls cannot hold me in.  Imagining you breathing here.  Enter dreams while holding back a tear. And I would wait for eternity.  Cuz tonight I'm waiting up for you.  For you.

Thought I saw your car drive by.  Must've been someone else's night.  These autumn walls cannot hold me in.  Cuz tonight I'm waiting up for you.  For you.  Waiting up for you.   

You say you will return.  Until then my heart yearns.  There's some comfort when you say that there'll be another day.  But it doesn't help me tonight.   

Time To Check Out

Say the word, say the word and you know I'll be there.  Stand alone, stand alone acting like you don't care.  Acting tough with your guard down let it be told.  I cannot break, cannot break your cast and mold.  

So with these words, with these words I plead with you.  To end the dream, stop the game and the things you do.  I know it's hard, yea it's hard just to be yourself now.

I know you like all the words and the feelings they bring.  But when will you realize that they shouldn't mean anything.  So run around with your top down once again.  And sell yourself to the world and the love of a friend.

But all I know, yea I know that it's not your fault.  Designating all the guilt you can push it off.  No reason for these things to be wearing you down. 

But I'll be there, I'll be there when you open up.  I'll stay away from your shame and the words that cut.  I want to help you to help me just the same.  Yea right...

You always know.  You're always known.  See the signs and all the warnings but I'll just let it go.  And you can live and learn yourself but I want you to know that you could know, you should know everyone.  But you don't know, you don't know anyone.  but it's only in my head now...

So now I ask what to do, where to go with this.  I think of things, many things that I know I'll miss.  What's it for, what's the use, what's it mean to us now?

So here I stand, what I stand for is what I am.  Cuz I'm in charge of myself, I do what I can to help you see, make you see what everyone should. 

So with these words, with these words I plead with you to end the dream, stop the game and the things you do.  You gotta quit, give it up before it's time, time to check out.

From The Rising Of The Sun

You are just one big lie. You are just one big lie.  And even though I tried.

I say this just for you.  Cuz I feel that it is long past due.  We never hear from you no more.  And in the end what is it for?

I never said that you were wrong.  But you can't see where you belong.  Been holding this in for too long.

You are just one big lie.  You are just one big lie.  And even though we tried.

We'll look away and just pretend.  Is it more important than a friend?  Or someone closer you have known?  Oh you will miss how he has grown.

He'll never understand why.  For all you know he could have died.  Before too long he'll be a man.  Now he's too young to understand.   

You are just one big lie.  You are just one big lie.  And now you're multiplied.  

Can you make me a promise to bring us together again?  Could you do me a favor, and acknowledge your brother.  Cuz he will grow up without you.  He has grown up without you.  Did you know he clutches you at his heart?  So if not for me, then could you do it for him?  

Just do it for him.  Just do it for him, my love.  My love.  Just do it for him, for him, for him, and not I. Not I.  He ought to know now.  He ought to know now yea, my love.  Just do it for him, for him, for him, and I'll say no more.  Yea I'll say no more.  He ought to know now, he ought to know-you are just one big lie.  You are just one big lie.  You are just one big lie.

Immense

And I felt like the only.  Like the only one in the room.  But realized others have felt it.  They have felt what I now do.  Always on the top of, always on the top of everything.  Well it's all harmless and fun now.  But I knew that it was immense.  

Oh your fears don't try.  I was tired of being down and tense.  Your tears don't lie. 

And I hold everything in.  Well that I must confess.  But sometimes hope is abandoned.  It's better in the mean time I guess.  Always on the fine line, always on the fine line of everything.  If you would like to relive it, I knew that it was immense.

Oh your fears don't try.  I was tired of being down and tense.  Your tears don't lie.

I would see you far away.  I see through this smoke, so hold your head up high this time and give yourself away.  Just hold your head up high this time and give yourself away.

You're here because you live by chance.  With these dreams I know you like to dance.  You're here because you live by chance.  And all because it was immense.

Oh your fears don't lie.  So you left and now it all makes sense, makes sense, makes sense, cuz now my tears don't cry.

Anymore 

I take a look around the corner.  To try to see what's up ahead.  But something is blocking my eyes so I can't see past them-memories of what they said.  

I don't need you anymore.  I don't need you anymore.  Cuz I've got things lined up for me, and I'm not  going to hang them out to dry anymore.  Anymore.

I know I should put these things behind me.  The things I dwelt on for so long.  But I would rather stay asleep in bed with my dreams.  Cuz when I wake up you're still gone.  

So I don't need you anymore.  I don't need you anymore.  Cuz once there's two, soon there's three.  What did you expect us to believe anymore?  Anymore.

But I don't fall as easily as them, as easily as thought to be.  Cuz I am strong, stronger than they believe, stronger than they could ever be.    

Cuz you and I, we are not the same.  You and I, we could never go back, cuz you'd do it again.  And maybe I, maybe I would try, if I thought, thought that you were worth it-every ounce of energy that I would have to put forth.   

Remember when, remember we were friends.  Remember when if you needed me I'd be there, cuz we'd do it for each other.  But time is lost, time is thrown away, thrown away with everything we had, and all we did, and all we felt, with everything that crossed our mind. 

I sit and think of all the reasons that I beat myself up everyday.  Cuz I don't dream these dreams just to make them up when I wake up.  But you just moved on anyway.  

So I don't need you anymore.  I don't need you anymore.  Cuz I've got things lined up for me, and I'm not going to hang them out to dry anymore. 

Cuz I don't need you anymore.  I don't need you anymore.  Cuz once there's two, soon there's three.  What did you expect me to believe anymore? 

Do you believe anymore?  

Doldrums

Sitting still against my will.  Sitting still against my will.  And I just can't get moving again. 

Plank 

I feel the need to explain a few things.  I realize that we are only human beings.  But by contact you think it may be way too soon.  But you're not in key anymore because you changed your tune.  Oh tune.  

And it's a feeling...got a feeling...

Do I belong?  It's not that wrong to be afraid.  I'm only who I am.  So why should I change?  Why should I change?  Should I change for you?

But it's you for everything I'd like to thank.  Cuz you stuck this knife in my back and made me walk the plank. 

And it's a feeling...(set before me a triumphant new beginning, my hands are tied but I know soon I will be living, I get your point I disregard all that I'm given, this represents, it symbolizes everything that I am now)  Got a feeling...   

Now I belong.  You're too far gone to be a friend.  You don't know who you are.  So this is the end.

Tonight I realized exactly where my smiles gone.  Realized we've waited, we let this go on far too long.  I bet you're kicking yourself now.  Been handed something better.  Now there's no need for me to be afraid.  

I stood my ground.  And took the dive to be alone.  Now I know who I am.  Hi.  And no I won't be afraid.  I won't be afraid.  No I won't be afraid.  I won't be afraid of you.  

Fool To Follow 

I tried to be the one for you in my head and I never thought that I'd hurt you instead, but I slit my throat right from the start when I said yes.  I looked into your eyes this time when I thought...

I'd be a fool to follow you.  And yet I do.

I looked into your eyes this time and everything else went away.  I never listened to their words when they said...

I'd be a fool to follow you.  And yet I do.  I do.

I'd like to think I looked both ways before I crossed your life but our thoughts were never on the same train.  We never walked on the same side.  

I knew I'd be a fool to follow you.  And yet I do.

I'd be a fool to follow you.  And yet I do.  I do.  

Hard To Say

Don't worry if I never want to see you again.  Cuz things will change and I will try to work it out if I can.  Cuz you know me and how I tried even though I couldn't win.  I'm hoping you think of that when my hand lifts your chin.

Don't worry now.  We'll get through somehow.  I wish I could let you know how this turns out, but it's hard to say.

I'm sorry if you ever felt like you were my slave.  The only one who ever tried to get me out of my cage.  I know the time and energy and sacrifice that you gave.  I'm hoping you don't believe that I cannot be saved.

Please turn around.  Won't turn you down.  Can't let go of everything that we've worked for.  So don't worry now.  We'll get through somehow.  I wish I could tell you what's going to happen, but it's hard to say.

We owe...a woe...

Sometimes I get confused with you, but when you're down and feel abused I'm here for you when you need me. 

I know I make it hard for you, I guess I never follow through.  Sometimes fear grabs a hold of you...

Sometimes, sometimes I hear your voice.  But all times, all times it's not by choice.  And we can't stop from moving on.  Fear is always ripping you away.  Away from me.  

Maybe, maybe it's me.  Cuz fear is always ripping you away from me.  

Smiling People In A Windowless Room 

The Lightning...

I turn the wheel and pull away.  And leave to face another day.  Where I'm not leaning on your shoulders.  Oh it's so hard now anymore.

Little pain, falling rain.  It hits the car before the ground.  Storm invades memory lane.  And I wonder, can I turn myself around and come back to your arms?

Driving off into the night and I'm lonely.  This emptiness just isn't right.  It's what I'm feeling.  And I'd give anything to be under starlight in my dreams.  For now there's lightning in between.

Take it slow going home.  I watch the red lights fading out.  On my own, I'm alone.  And I wonder, can't you turn yourself around and come back to my arms?

Little pain, falling rain.  Can't keep myself from feeling down.  Storm invades memory lane.  And I wonder, can't we turn ourselves around?

We can turn ourselves around.  We'll come back to our arms.  Arms...

Initiative

Out living free with her company.  Trying to make some sense of reality.  Hiding despair, but she didn't care.  Disturbing our lives in which she was not aware.  Sticking her nose in what she supposed. Could've took the chance to leave and walk away.  But instead I'm hearing lies that she made herself say.  She made up a crime, that's filled up with lies.  And all that's in between she'll make up in due time.  We'd be free, if only she could take the initiative and let it be.

Oh she could take the initiative and let it be.  Tell yourself now, tell yourself now to take the initiative and let it be. 

Now I'm dealing with you and you're treating me rude.  And it's taking everything to put up with your abuse.  Pounding me down, and into the ground.  Raising you up to show off your "royal" crown.  Give me a break cuz you made a mistake.  But you're too proud to quit for your name's sake.  When you could take the initiative and let it be.

Oh you could take the initiative and let it be.  Tell yourself now, your stupid self now to take the initiative and let it be.

You say I'm, you say I'm wrong.  But you know your, you know your wrong.  But you cannot stain your badge with an apology.

Oh what did you expect?  I got no respect for when you put yourself on a pedestal.  Could've moved on but  you chose not to take the initiative and let it be.

Oh you could take the initiative and let it be.  But you'll ignore the truth.  

In Touch

I try to say what's swimming in my head.  It's so easy to feel that I'd be better off dead. Because this weight on my shoulders isn't getting lighter, no.  So where do I go, where else do I have to turn?  I smothered the fire but I'm still getting burned.  And my envisioned relief is such a long, long way away.  You know.  

I think of you so I'm praying that you don't hear what I'm saying.  I'm just thinking out loud again.

And all this talk is getting me nowhere.  I'm weighing the cost of things I know I can't bare.  Tonight could change everything and then we'll see what tomorrow brings, one more time.  

My hope is the same as my fear: don't bother to open your ears.  I'm just thinking out loud again.  Cuz I know what I know.  I'm thinking out loud.  Just thinking out loud.

But what's one more day?  What's one more stab in the heart?  It's hard to fathom how I have ever gotten this far.  It's unbelievably tough when the hand that holds yours is the one that pulls you down.

"I'm sensing slight apprehension."  Please don't pay any attention.  I'm just thinking out loud again. 

I never wanted to go on.  Can't blame me if I feel like a pawn in this charade that we're living every day of our lives.  You can count on it-predictable as the tides.  And I push it away.  You know I want no part of it.  Don't like it, no.  

And so I'm here with myself as my brain as a cell, and the only key I know is locked away and they won't tell where they've been keeping it.  Where it's been kept all this time.  You know all this time, all this time is a waste.

Now I'm bombarded with feelings in which I've never had dealings.  You say my speech is a murmur.  So make no sense out of my words.  I'm just thinking out loud again.  

You could make this all so easy.  And to even be yourself freely.  You could make all of this disappear.  Talk to yourself.  What's the meaning?  It's kept all this time now.  I'm just thinking out loud again.

Copyright Jevin Wade/ScatterBrain Records 2005